All I was waiting for
was one tear.
One little tear.
I needed it.
Needed to cry.
To let it all out.
But it wouldn't come.
I worked my self up
into a frenzy.
Screwed up my face.
Rubbed my eyes.
Waited
and waited
for that tear
to come.
But it didn't.
I couldn't cry.
Why?
9 comments:
Because it was metaphysical.
There might be a different answer, but I don't like it.
Sometimes when I find myself crying, I conjure up all the dark thoughts and count them in so they can get cried out, too. It can be therapeutic. (try onions -- they don't work for me but it would be cool if they did)
Why do I know this feeling only too well? Tears are a cleansing process for what lies inside.
well ..what were u thinking of..to try to make urself cry?
I can recommend some songs that'll do the trick..
:-)
basmelech - onions don't work for me. they're not real...
vs - don't we all? sometimes they're a cleansing process, and sometimes they're just plain tears... narishkeiten...
david - i find that i sometimes become to detached from the realities that i hear. yes, to get drawn into every person's story would be too draining for one to bear, but sometime, i just wanna cry, but the tears won't come, and i feel so callous...
and songs don't cause me to cry a much as they used to...
I grew up in a small town where there wasn't much exposure to some of the suffering of Jewish people.
I remember when I got to Israel for the fist time. I couldn't handle it. When I went to the kosel, I would come back broke. I had to harden myself to survive. Sometimes it is important to realize that no one can shoulder the worlds burdens on their own. Recognize that you care when it matters, when the people you already care about need you, and regret that you cant always be there for everyone, but know that this balance is very important in the greater scheme of things.
It kinda reminds me of what my rosh yeshiva told me in first year bais medresh. He said, "Mel, some people want to learn, and others want to want to learn. The ones who want to learn, learn. the others, who want to want to learn, thats where you fall in."
Its kinda like wanting to cry, and wanting to want to cry. If you wanted to cry, you would. There is another feeling, one which can hurt at times, the feeling of wanting to want to care and/or cry. Are feelings something we can logically dictate and control? Perhaps. perhaps we can train ourselves to feel a certain way at certain times, but it certainly isn't as simple as wanting to feel a certain way.
Mel,
Wanting to want is also a "madreiga." If we follow your line of reasoning: Those who want to learn, learn. If you want to cry, you would. Thus, if you want to want -- you will want. Keep on yearning. I even recall learning (forget who says it, but it was with regard to Rachel Emeinu) that wants that are never satisfied (when out of our control) have a strong power of their own.
Dreamer,
OK. Onions aren't real. Let's get philosophical.
Cogito ergo sum.
Bas-Melech,
Indeed.
I hate that feeling, the tightness in my chest that says I need to cry, but not being able to let it out. It's a horrible feeling.
mel - kinda sounds like my rav. though mine's not a rosh yeshivah...
basmelech - i don't speak latin. sorry.
scraps - i hate the feeling, too.
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