Going... going... gone!

Hey everyone!
If you're still out there...

I know I haven't been a regular for the past year and a half, and I'm afraid it ain't getting any better. I'm going to have to give up writing and commenting on blogs for now.
I'll still be around though, lurking in the shadows. And I am available via e-mail. And for those of you who know me, via the telephone.
I just can't afford to have my name out there on the web anymore.
It's been wonderful, though. And I'm still reading all your stuff!
:)

Good Enough?

I call you every morning
And we chat for a short while
But then you start questioning
Turning down my smile

And you ask me if I'll ever
Have some good news to tell
And I gently tell you "I don't know"
But inside, I want to yell

First I was the black sheep
And then took long to marry
And now I just ain't good enough
Till a little one I carry

It's G-d who makes decisions
And Gran, what can I do?
Will there ever be a time
When I'm good enough for you?

Job Again

So...
I'm officially leaving my job. Just told the boss yesterday. The hours just became to stressful for me.
Here's to new beginnings!
:)

Jobs...

Need your input here.
I'm deciding whether I should just start my own business (kind of a conglomeration of two jobs) or keep up the search for a job working for someone else.
Pros and cons, people?

Downturn

The economy's failing, and so is the company I work for.
:(
They're not saying anything yet, but they're majorly cutting costs, and I have a funny feeling that I'll be given the sack soon.

While I was thinking of leaving anyway, I need to decide on a new job. Right now, it seems that there's not much available in the field I'm in, unless I branch out on my own. (which means trying to get clients in a bad economy = no go)

If any of you know of any good jobs around Lakewood, please let me know!

Before Dawn

Just wrote a new song...
Still playing with the tune.
Feels good. Haven't written one in a while.
:)

It's so black outside before dawn
It's so dark outside while I'm waiting for morning
The stars are asleep
And the sun hasn't yet awakened
And it feels like the cold will not desist

Yet tomorrow, the sun will shine
As it shined yesterday
And tomorrow, I'll be coddled by its rays
Yes tomorrow, the sun will shine
Heralding the new day
Tomorrow will be a better day.

As I peer outside, I see hope
As I look outside, I know I'm only coping
Now the world is washed in silver
But soon, it'll bathe in gold
As the sun releases morning's kiss

Tomorrow, the sun will shine...

I am

I am an ant
In the dust
Scurrying about
Collecting
Scavenging
Piling at times.
Always watching out for the
Big Shoe.

I am a bee
In the air
Flying about
Collecting
Concocting
Stinging at times
Always watching out for the
Big Hand.

I am an earthworm
Underground
Sliding about
Squirming
Softening
Slimy at times
Always watching out for the
Big Bird.

I am me...

Smile!

Put on a happy face and smile at the world.
My cousin, you're always so good at that.
Always so bright and cheerful, no matter what may be churning inside.
And though I guess it's still under wraps, I think I saw something last night that brought a true smile to your face and heart, and to mine as well.
May it go easy, and may you be blessed with all things good.
Bishaa Tova, my dearest.

And keep smiling!

Do You Know?

Do you know how hard it was for me
To smile last night?
Do you know how hard it was for me
To help you out?
Do you know how hard it was for me
To talk to you about college and the like?
Do you know how hard it was for me
To just breathe?
Do you know how hard it was for me
To go from aveilus to simcha to more aveilus to more simcha?

Oh, how I wish it wasn't so hard...
But when I look at that empty seat, my heart constricts, and it's ever so difficult to enlarge it and accept all the happiness around me.

How?

How can one person
Feel so much pain?
How can one soul
Have two of the same?
How can one's tears
Be washed by the rain?
How can one stumble
And not have a cane?
How can one smile
When all isn't tame?
How can one lose two
And still remain sane?


To lose a husband and brother within two weeks....

My poor, poor Bobbi...

My Zeidy

I thought you were
invincible
I thought you were
unstoppable
I thought that you would never go away.

I never thought I'd
say this
I never thought I'd
live this
I never thought that I'd cry here today.

I wish I could have
called you
I wish I could have
seen you
I wish that I could kiss you one more time.

I know you know
I love you
I know you know
I miss you
I know that you will never leave my mind.

.

Hmmm...?

Woke up in the early dawn
Sweating in my sleep
Hunched over, clutching center
'Twasn't very sweet

I did feel kind of nauseous
As I dashed into the loo
Though I was feeling crummy
There was one thing I knew

I could never tell YOU.

See, I knew that if I'd say
That I wasn't feeling great
Your eyes would travel center
To see if I'd gained weight

Then you'd gently give a knowing smile
And ask me when I'm due.
Did it ever occur to you
That I simply have the flu?

My ideas

My idea of a good supper:
Grilled chicken....wild rice....steamed broccoli with dijonnaise

My idea of a yummy dessert:
napoleons...scoop of vanilla ice cream...caramel sauce
or
Lemon sorbet...wild berry sorbet...raspberry sauce...kiwi slice

My idea of a relaxing evening:
A cup of hot cocoa with marshmallows...a good book....an empty sink


My idea of an interesting outing:
Science museum
or
Somewhere near the ocean


just sharing...

One Year

It's been one year since my engagement.
One full year.
Strange, isn't it?
On the one hand, I feel like I've been married forever.
One the other, I feel like I can never learn enough.
So many, many things have happened that I never even dreamed about.
And it just keeps getting better.
And more interesting.
And harder.
All at once.
:)

I know I haven't been such a regular blogger the past year, but I hope to totally settle in soon and be back to my usual self.

See ya around!