Wrote this a couple of months ago, but something happened last night that made me really feel it, so I'm posting it now.
I'm giving up, G-d.
I've done all I could.
I've traveled the roads
Climbed all the mountains
Built bridges
Sailed seas
Yet it seems I've remained
Where I began.
I'm giving up, G-d.
I've tried really hard.
I've dug tunnels
Squirreled through them
And back again.
Ran races in endless circles.
Flown over each tree
And bush.
But I haven't seen progress.
I'm giving up, G-d.
I thought I could
Do it all
But I was mistaken.
I’m giving up, G-d
And leaving it all up
To You.
Thank you, G-d.
22 comments:
Deep stuff...
Well written with a nice twist at the end.
Keep working..and keep giving up...Its the perfect synthesis of what we're mean to do.
As I was reading, I was thinking on how to respond to this post- to someone "giving up" until I read the last few lines. Then I realized that you were right on track.
I was definitely shocked by the ending and glad that this was the ending, beautifully written.
Didn't you post this before? Maybe on TFC. I know I've read it.
Glad you've "given up." Doesn't that feel better?
Reminds me somewhat of m00kie's earlier post, "For some, the realization that only a miracle can save them is the first step into a painful state of despair... for others... it's the first step out."
Anyway, we must be twins or something. I've been feeling like this today, too.
Bas-Melech,
Indeed, the 12 step program relies on this very premise. Here are the first three steps.
1. We admitted we were powerless over our addiction—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2.Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
In other words, admitting to the existence of a higher power, and relinquishing ourselves to that power are the foundations of recovery.
well said Dreamer. although we are all curious to what inspired this right now.
david - ain't i always deep?
:)
it's hard to give up sometimes, cuz we like feeling like we're in control...
little birdies - well, i tend to veer off track now and then, but baruch hashem, i'm hangin in there.
swfm - thanks.
basmelech - yeah, on TFC. but it's ok to post it here, too.
i doubt ours were the same kind of giving up, but ok. :)
mel - it's actually the foundations of yiddishkeit. Make His will your will, so that He'll make your will His will."
and think of all the ani maamins... the first of the dibros "Anochi Hashem"
yiddishkeit is all about giving ourselves up for G-d.
Sorry, the inspiration must remain private. Too painful and too confidential...
It is sad that we often opt to take the long road around, subjecting yourselves to all the prickles, thorns and storms along the rickety way before ultimatly throwing up our arms in defeat and declaring 'This is Your burden, I don't need to carry it anymore as You are carrying it too.' I guess it is only after battling through the trials life throws in our direction that we can truely feel we are under His protection and say it with full conviction.
Yo Dreamer --
I thought the poem made perfectly clear which kind of giving up we're talking about.
The rest of the picture, well of course it's not the same. (Nature vs. nurture, sis)
Dreamer,
The value of surrending to a higher power is the basis of all religions.
My point was collaberating Bas-Melech, that on a practical and logical level it is also necessary some times to put yourself in the hands of G-d.
basmelech - believe me - you'rs doesn't come close. and i gie ou a bracha that it never should...
mel - last time i checked, yiddishkeit wasn't a religion...
it's life itself.
very very good!!!
you know the vort of The Tzadik R' Yisroltcheh Viznitzer the Ahavas Yisroel Zy"a
Der Bashefer Helft Nisht, Ehr Tut Di gantza....
hashem doesnt "help"... he does it "all"
Dreamer,
Your thought process is working backward.
Man exists prior to having a knowledge of G-d. Avraham aveinu FOUND G-d.
Once you find G-d, and accept yiddishkeit, your statement is absolutely true. However, It has no logical or sensible foundation from the outset, hence the commandment to believe.
Man's search for meaning is the basis of all religion. Once someone decides to accept that there is a G-d, it explains their life and the world from beginning to end, but from the outset, in our minds, we are people who must search and find on our own.
My point was... coming from a religionless foundation, where you havent surrendered yourself to a higher power, there is a logical and productive reason to submit to and accept that you are not in control.
vs - we'd save ourselves much heartache if we'd just leave it to hm in the first place... but i guess that's where hishtadlus comes in...
nuch - nah, don't know it. but thanks for sharing.
mel - sorry, YOU'RE the one who's got it all wrong.
I'm sure you know that avraham was NOT the first man. Man first existed with a knowledge of G-d, until they chose to believe that G-d would relate to Man through His emmisaries, and served them instead. Aside from the fact that Avraham Avinu didn't FIND G-d (gosh, that sounds christian!). He realized that G-d existed. He knew.
No logical or sensible foundation? Which planet do you come from?
Please read "Permission to Believe" by Rabbi Lawrence Keleman, and read many of Rabbi Tatz's boks, and read "The Jewish Self" by Rabbi Jeremy Kagan...
I could list more books, if you'd like. All sensible, all logical.
the first of the dibros is "Anochi Hashem" - I am Hashem - not to believe it, but to know it...
"ViyadaataHayom Vihasheivosa El Livavecha Ki Hashem Hu HaElokim" - you gotta know it... no belief mentioned over there...
dreamer,
again, you are looking at this backward.
we arent talking about the existance of the world, we are talking about the knowledge of man.
you can prove g-d day and night to a thought out individual, but the premise of your argument will always come before the conclusion.. before you read those books you suggest as quality reading, did u know what they wrote? perhaps you have heard of the rambam. i think he may have said something on the topic. you must believe or else you will never even pursue the knowledge to know.
now, assuming you are a child who knows nothing of the existance of g-d, it can be easily presented to this person the fact that he cannot understand the world, without accepting a higher power is in control. that is all i was saying. which is what you are saying coming from a back tracked thought process.
fyi, it is kinda low to validate ur argument with modern semantics. and i am unsure why you went on the defensive when i wasnt challenging you, i was just saying your thought process was backward (backtracking) from the logical flow of information. i thought you of all people would undersand the contextual usage of the word.
i await ur apology.
- mobile mel.
mel - did I mention the creation of the world at any point in my post? all i was saying was that man did not come from not believing - man CHOSE not to believe. nothing backward about that.
mel, you're the one who brought religion into the picture. and all i said was that judaism is NOT a religion. take it or leave it.
what modern semantics? yideah is NOT the same as emunah. nothing modern about that...
wow, i completely misjudged you. i thought you were one of the good guys. now i see that you only care about defending and validating your selfish little self.
i made it extremely clear that we are discussing the practical knowledge of the individual person ( the 12 steps), not the historical knowledge of mankind. yet you insist on defending an uncontested point to protect your writing without thought and cruel accusation regarding my religious understanding.
and my semantics point was that it was clear what i was reffering to when i said ''find' .
either way, it is your blog and you can write what you want.... but i guess eventually peoples true self and motivations become clear.
i still await ur apology.
- mel
wow, mel, you finally figured it out!
yeah, i'm selfish. and only care about myself. what can i say?
i put on a mask all this time, misleading you into thinking i was a selfless person.
i'm sorry for misleading you.
good luck in finding greener pastures, full of people who only care about others...
oh, and mel - chill.
:)
Very nice. Thanks for the positive upturn at the end.
I like this poem very much. And I especially like the ending. Haven't we all been at a point in our lives when we felt this way, like we've done everything we possibly could and now Hashem is the only One who can change anything?
thanks. yeah, i think it's familiar to all of us.
Whoa. Does this mean Mel is not obsessed with the Dreamer blog anymore?
And amen, Dreamer. Amen.
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