Conversation with yet another teen. Not a student of mine...
Hey!
Hi! What's doing?
Not much.
No?
Well, nothing I can do much about anyway.
Why? What happened?
Ummm... I got kicked out of school today?
You what?
Well, not exactly kicked out. I mean, I'm hanging by a thread. I'm really kicked out, but if I follow what the principal told me, then I can stay on.
So... What's the problem?
I can't!
Can't what?
I can't do what they want me to do. It's nice and all to go talk to people, but I want to be able to choose the people I talk to, not have them chosen for me by some idiot of a principal.
Isn't it worth it?
Worth what?
Worth it to just speak to whomever they want you to speak to. You get to stay in the school; you don't go through the craziness of finding a new school; you keep your parents happy; and you'll be more at peace with yourself.
But I don't want to go talk to this woman.
Well, do you want to go looking for another school right now? And besides, you didn't exactly try your hardest this year. Your marks are far below what they should be, and not many schools will take you with that average. It's simpler for you to just stay in this school. Maybe not easier, but simpler.
You're right. It's just that i'm sick of being in a Bais Yaakov school. It's so restricting. I can't do anything. And when I do it anyway, they find out and they get mad.
You know this is the best place for you right now.
Yeah, I know. A non Bais Yaakov wouldn't be for me either. I just wish they would let me be more free. I try so hard to stick to at least some rules while in school. Can't they see how hard it is for me? And besides, my closest friends are in this school. I don't want to leave. And they're good kids, not like me.
You're good, too. You just hide it sometimes.
Yeah, yeah. Whatever.
Don't "whatever" me. It's true.
Yup. Whatever you say.
You know, some day you're going to be this amazing person, and I'm going to look back and say "I knew her when she thought she wasn't great." But back to where we were before - what are we doing about school?
Don't know.
Come on. Make a decision.
Have to sleep on it. It's too difficult to decide right now.
OK. I'll speak to you tomorrow.
15 comments:
"You're good, too. You just hide it sometimes."
Why is it so hard for teachers and principals to say these beautiful words to girls who need to hear it?!
Oy. That's so rough. I hope she decides to stay.
You have a way with words, dreamer-girl...
We need more of the in-between schools. Bais Yaakovs that are not so perfectionistic. We need both types.
I agree with Almost, that we need more positive encouragement. It is necessary to detach the behavior from the person when delivering mussar. I think that some (by far not all) of the girls who get in trouble are "better" than the ones who don't -- they are often thinking, searching, and wanting to do good, just they are exploring other paths, and if you stop looking down at them they may very well surpass you on their way back. Whereas many of the automatons are just playing by the rules because it's simpler, and sometime in the future they will be messed up because they never dealt with their minds earlier... ok, that was very rambly but I am kind of in the middle of other stuff now.
I feel for her. You did an excellent job listening and letting her know she's good too. People really need to hear this sometimes.
BM, I agree about the in-between school where you have the environment but it's more flexible.
almost frei - yeah...
and can you change your SN? why would you feel that you're "almost frei"? Yiddishkeit is beautiful...
:)
scraps - i hope so, too. but that's her decision...
my words are 100% from Hakadosh Baruch Hu - i can take no credit - He totally puts the right words into my mouth...
basmelech - the problem with in between schools is that they usually don't stay "in-between"... it's really difficult to keep the balance...
lvnsm27 - listening takes practice. i used to be terrible...
:)
I agree with bas m. Not in all casesas sadly there is a bad apple occassionally but often the girls who don't strictly folllow the path or question rules do it because they are thinking people who can't follow the group blindly. Sadly this group is greatly misunderstood and are labelled trouble makers but when you talk to them you see how serious they are with their questions - they really want to understand. Guess it stems down to bad communication somewhere along the line. Sometimes it is necessary for those in education to listen and not just 'hear'. Good luck - may you continue helping all those who need it.
yeah, i know all about thinking people needing different things. firsthand. :)
I dont know the ins and outs of Bais Yakovs..so I'm not sure...what her gripe is..
I do know that my sisters were pretty chilled and werent that intense about school and my parents didnt care much..and no one ever threatened to leave school..
But its so important that you say the right things even though it gets spit back into your face..it lingers..until the right time..and then it sinks in..
I love these little glimpses into your amazing mentoring intuition
david - there's lots of ins and outs to the system... and each school has a different set, with some in common...
oh, this kid's not threatening to leave school - she's just caused enough trouble that the school deosn't want to deal with her unless she decides to change...
thanks. hakol me'hakadosh baruch hu. b'emet.
I actually know of a few great in-between schools. (Surprise! None are in Brooklyn)
And by the way, it is definitely possible to be 100% bais Yaakov (may not be the thing for your case here) and still not be so jumpy at questions. I have had teachers who were very receptive to questions, and I have had teachers who ranted and raved at me for what I thought was a totally innocent query...
I think that many people, especially the ones with power in the schools, are too paranoid.
Your talks are very inspiring. I hope to be able to talk like that to the kids I work with too. To convey to them how much I care..
Oh, and thanks for adding me to your links. It didn't go unnoticed, and it's much appreciated...
Lucky they have you, you sound amazing, sorry for the girl she has to go through this.
basmelech - i didn't say it's impossible. just said it's very difficult. my cousin goes to one such school (not in brooklyn!).
jewmaican - the words are put there - when you have to say them, you will. and you're care is evident. don't worry.
you're welcome.
swfm - amazing? me? you never know what i'm hiding... lol
Have you seen or spoken to her since? I'm curious about what she decided...
Not yet.
I'll probably speak to her on Sunday, if she ain't too busy speaking to the rabbis...
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