Had an interesting discussion with some students yesterday.
We started dicussing how one can never know what is happening in another's life, and therefore, shouldn't wish to have the other's life. (They brought this up...)
We then continued into a discussion on judging others and feeling that others look down upon you.
I told them this:
Noone feels looked down upon unless you have something to be looked down upon for.
Of course, most started arguing and claimed this wasn't true, which was expected.
So let me explain:
If you're a genius, and know it, then if one day, someone tells you "You know, you're so stupid!" - will you believe him?
Obviously not.
You know you're smart, so what another says is just plain foolish.
However, if your IQ is not above the 100 range, and someone would call you stupid - no matter if the thing you've said WASN'T stupid, you'd still feel so, because you FEEL that there's validity to what the other's saying.
Same goes for much else.
It's all a matter of YOUR perception.
So don't let others get you down.
Know that you make your own choices, and NOBODY can make you do or feel anything you don't choose to do or feel.
I remember discussing this topic with some MO girls who asked me why Chassidic Jews looked down at them.
I didn't reply in the affirmative or the negative - what I did say was two things:
1)Have you ever asked anyone Chassidic this question?
2)Noone feels looked down upon unless you have something to be looked down upon for.
After a lengthy, two hour discussion, they admitted (without my insinuating much) that maybe they weren't dressed so tzanua, and maybe they weren't behaving with guys kihalacha, and a multitude of other things they KNEW they were doing wrong, but didn't want OTHERS to acknowledge the fact.
I told them: You live in a real world, babe. What you wear and what you do define where you want to be. Granted, you're not at that level. Don't expect others to place you above the level you're at. It's all a matter of perception. Your own self-perception.
And that's the whole of it.
Arguments, anyone?
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8 comments:
Yay first!!!No arguments I like every word you wrote so true. We have to act and look like we want to be perceived, otherwise we will be perceived differently.
I think the thing is that we want to do what we want without people thinking anything of it. Practically nobody likes to told what they need to improve, even if the person is just trying to help, because it makes us feel down. But we should put that aside and consider what the other is saying if we want to grow.
Plus, I agree about the two of them talking to each other so they can understand each other and work things out
Yes, I have an argument. :P
Even if there is something of which I am 100% confident, it would still make me feel bad if other people put me down, because acceptance feels good. Even if I know there is no validity to what they're saying, I would feel hurt by their derision.
Besides, there is a known concept of "peer pressure"-- hence the maxim, "distance yourself from a bad neighbor." I may know I'm ok in a certain area, but if enough people tell me otherwise, I am likely to start to doubt that.
In short, (imho) what you're saying is an ideal and not applicable to the real world.
SW/FM - no arguments? I like arguments!
:)
lvnsm27 - right on.
knaidel - again, of course acceptance feels good, but you don't crave acceptance if you know you're doing everything right.
You made some valid points, but they don't contradict what I've written: mainly, that if I'm okay with myself and my actions, what others say won't affect me. Yes, eventually I may not be so okay and therefore, after a lengthy period, other's words will enter my brain and plant doubt, but that doesn'y negate reality.
Just because something is ideal, doesn't mean it's not real.
No arguments here...
I tell my kids that all the time..
If someone calls u fat...(theyre very skinny) would u feel bad?
But when it comes to religious and idealogical differences it becomes murkier...because no matter how strong you are in a belief..It's still a belief and if someone knocks that then theres room for frustration and self doubt..
david - it's murkier for religious things, but it SHOULDN'T be so.
judaism is not just based on belief - that's christianity.
Judaism is based on knowledge -
1) Viyadata hayom vihashivosa el livavecha...
2) Os he beini ubeineichem...
3) Limaan tedah ki hashem hu haelokim...
...among numerous others.
how can we leave this knowledge with ourselves and our children?
I know...but its still Emunah...at the end of the day...
that's why it's good to have both knowledge and emunah
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