I'm really fuming right now, and just want to get this off my chest.
As you know, I teach. In the english department. Since I'm a young, with-it sort, some girls have developed a relationship with me, and call or text me with questions, problems, or just to shmooze. One principal is all for it. She wanted to take me on for another period JUST to talk to the girls.
Today, the assistant principal calls me in to talk about one of the girls I've been talking to. Then, she told me that I should cool off talking to the girls, because it may cause politics in the hebrew department if they find out that I'm talking to the girls. As an english teacher, I may have a negative impact on the girls and advise them in the wrong manner.
Now, no matter that I have a Rav, a major mechanech, whom I speak to about major issues. No matter that there are maybe one or two other teachers in the entire school whom the students feel comfortable talking with. No matter that some potential disasters have been avoided because of the kesher thes girls have with a teacher.
Nope, no matter.
The one thing on her mind is that it may lead to politics, and she doesn't want my name to be besmirched.
Nebach!
So these girls should be left with noone because of the idiocies of some unrealistic people.
If this is what this world is like, count me out.
I'm going to continue doing what I know is right.
When I started this job, my Rav told me that if I do what I'm doing, I'll get flack. I was waiting for it all along, but now that it's actually happened, I'm officially ashamed to be a part of this school.
:(
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21 comments:
I don't get it, what kind of politics come from shmoozing? As far as I know, you don't bring up anything controversial, nor do you personify or encourage anything untoward.
Dreamer, I trust that you won't let these people get you down. Just keep on staying safe in what you say and do, and go on doing what you know is right.
One bit of advice, which you've probably heard before, but many teachers learn this the hard way:
Keep as many records as possible. Never delete an email, keep as many text messages as your phone will allow. Just in case. Write in a planner or diary of some sort when a student approaches you-- even though that's still just your word, it's stronger. Just in case any major issues come up, you want to be able to prove that the student chose to contact you and then you tried to do everything you could to help her. Also, anything of major concern should be reported to some higher-up, in writing, and you keep a copy. Of course, you don't want to betray anyone's confidence, but if anyone c"v does anything dangerous no one will be able to accuse you of suspecting and not doing anything about it.
OK, I reread your post and I think I went way off topic.
So, regarding what you actually said:
It is the responsibility of the school to choose teachers in all their departments whom they feel will be positive influences and role models for the students. If they hired you, that should mean that they trust you to the point that they'd stand behind you (unless you did something seriously wrong).
Personally, I think I learned even more from my English teachers than the kodesh teachers. I wasn't a strong student in the kodesh classes, and I didn't relate to the rebetzin-y teachers at all. However, the English teachers represented to me that "real people," even when talking about, say, biology all day, can still be exemplary frum women. ESPECIALLY when they were willing to discuss hashkafa or personal issues, demonstrating that their life does not consist of their secular subject matter alone.
Ok. I've never understood the intricacies of girls politics..even growing up with sisters around me..the older girs..younger girls..crushes..who's friemds with who today...yada yada..
soo I'm not equipped to really address the point here..
I will say though that you seem to be a mature capable person who knows what she's doing and consults with Rabbonim..and you only seem to be getting opposition from an assistant principal..so lets not besmirch the whole world..now
:-)
Can't the Principal override the assistant?
Doesn't make sense, you should do what you know is right I hope you don't get in trouble. David is right the assistant has no right deciding this if the principal said it's ok. Good for you!
Basmelech - impossible to keep all the texts. And I've taken courses and training, and know when I must report. So far, there was one maybe which turned out fine.
David - I wasn't speaking of schoolgirls' politics. Never got into that either, baruch hashem. I was speaking of politics between the english and hebrew departments. And how the hebrew department, in many schools, think that an English teacher is incapable of helping the girls, even though the Hebrew department proves to be quite out of reach.
It's mostly a matter of ego and of false expectations.
The assistant principal is basically a principal. Don't want to say much more because I don't want to give away the school's name. And at the end of the conversation she told me "You'll do what you want anyway, I know, but forewarned is forarmed."
have an open talk with the principal, tell her what u told us, if she has any brains, she'll get it, if not, then maybe that school doesn't deserve you.
if the school has a Ruv Rebbe or rebbetzin who is the official authority, tell her that u r wiling to talk to him-her yourself.
Keep up th good work! You are saving Yiddishe Neshomas
Thanks, nuch. Your ideas sound good, just non-doable at the moment. Too complicated to explain. And no, there's noone else within the school whom I could talk to.
I wish I could switch to another school. I love my students, but the hanhala... Problem is, it's difficult to get a high school teaching job when you're single.
:(
You'd have similar problems in other schools, anyway. If it's not about this, they'll have their own mishigasim.
Follow your heart! Do what you feel is right and let the chips fall where they may! Sadly, todays "educators" are all too prone to play politics rather than do what's good long term for the children.
Keep strong. They don't call you dreamer for nothing! Follow your dreams and your heart!
Please don't stop. The girls need someone to turn to. As long as you are frum with the proper hashkafos, does it really matter what subject you teach in the school?
If I were in your shoes, I would pull out my ol'e trusty thesaurus, and throw a couple adjectives the Ass. Principal's way!!!
Maybe interject an exclamation point up his colon, or throw commas to wind, and let loose a torrential of periods!!!
The point is, once you start operating under the premise that maybe you should think through your advice more carefully, and you start second-guessing yourself, you will loose the very instruments which got you to the point where you were able to secure a high-school job.
The one consolation you can take from this is that the very fact that the Assistant Principal has taken a personal interest in this matter is that She obviously feels threatened by you! I don't know if it is because you have an open mind, and the girls actually listen to you, or if it is because you make her feel old and useless! As Theodore Geisel ZT"L said, " Adults are obsolete children, and the heck with them!"
Good Luck
-Mel
littlebirdies - don't worry; i'm not stopping. i wrote that i'll continue to do what is right...
mel - come on! i don't abuse language!
could be that that's what she's thinking. and i'm not second gussing myself- i'm just upset at those who would like to make me do so.
Roger! I meant no disrespect! I may be a dude, but I am intimately familiar with the Bais Yaakov system, and I know that the accepted practice is to have younger role models and teachers, be it a dorm counselor in an out of town school, or a madricha in seminary, or just younger teachers, who are expected and encouraged to be there to talk to the girls,as they will likely be more open and comfortable with them.
I know this is common sense, my point is, even if you had some hashkafos that were more progressive, or thought out, free thought only sharpens the mind and enables one to make better decisions. Even if that were the case, which it appears it clearly isn't, you would be in the right.
Some people in this world are like slinkies, not really good for anything, but you can't help but smile when they tumble down the stairs.
You must stand up to the MAN, for yourself, and everyone else.
You are above this principal, and never forget that!
(It really boils my blood when I hear about educators making irresponsible mistakes. Someone needs to bring accountability to the school system. Stand up for yourself, you owe it to humanity!
ok, mel, i hear you.
yes, i am a free thinker. however, my freedom exists within the realm of torah.
and no, i wouldn't smile when someone "tumbles down the stairs." especially another jew.
people are human, and they make mistakes. just as i wouldn't want anyone to judge me for my mistakes, i try not to judge others for theirs.
intimately familiar with the b.y. system?
lol
:)
I grew up on an out of town Bais Yaakov campus, and my mother is a bais yaakov principal and has been in the girls chinuch system for 30+ years. I think that qualifies as being intimately familiar, albeit not in the biblical sense.
yup - you qualify.
:)
how was that for you - growing up on a bais yaakov campus?
Quite the experience! Although I have suppressed most of it. (Imagine how messed up I would be if I didn't)
"people are human, and they make mistakes. just as i wouldn't want anyone to judge me for my mistakes, i try not to judge others for theirs."
Normally I would agree with this, and i know I have made my share of mistakes. However, I am not in a position of immense responsibility to the greater community, parents and students.
I hate to say this, but if you are teaching girls, and advising them, you are and should be accountable for all your mistakes, as rare as they probably are.
The assistant principal even more so.
I am not judging anyone for their mistakes, but this isn't a game, one teacher, in under a few moments can destroy a student if they make a big mistake. By the same token, in under a few moments a teacher can make a world of difference for a student.
The key is to, at least statistically speaking, constantly be a positive force in the universe.
mel - of course i hold myself accountable for my own mistakes. (at least, i try too!)
ANd though i would like them to be rare, i can't say they are. I'm only human.
However, when one DOES make a mistake, the best thing is to apologize to the wronged party, obviously, no matter your postion.
I'll probably put up a post about that one of these days. had an interesting discussion with some students on the topic a while back...
In the above comment, I was speaking of judging others for their mistakes. Which, according to the Torah, is not allowed.
"people are human, and they make mistakes. just as i wouldn't want anyone to judge me for my mistakes, i try not to judge others for theirs."
Normally I would agree with this, and i know I have made my share of mistakes. However, I am not in a position of immense responsibility to the greater community, parents and students.
I hate to say this, but if you are teaching girls, and advising them, you are and should be accountable for all your mistakes, as rare as they probably are.
The assistant principal even more so.
I am not judging anyone for their mistakes, but this isn't a game, one teacher, in under a few moments can destroy a student if they make a big mistake. By the same token, in under a few moments a teacher can make a world of difference for a student.
The key is to, at least statistically speaking, constantly be a positive force in the universe.
February 28, 2007 11:25 AM
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The Dreamer said...
mel - of course i hold myself accountable for my own mistakes. (at least, i try too!)
ANd though i would like them to be rare, i can't say they are. I'm only human.
However, when one DOES make a mistake, the best thing is to apologize to the wronged party, obviously, no matter your postion.
I'll probably put up a post about that one of these days. had an interesting discussion with some students on the topic a while back...
In the above comment, I was speaking of judging others for their mistakes. Which, according to the Torah, is not allowed.
February 28, 2007 1:40 PM
Mel said...
On the note of apologizing when you err, you have no idea how powerful such an apology could be. I had a run in with someone about 8 months ago, where I was definitely in the right. Still, the issue wasn't going to be resolved satisfactorily if we both stood steadfast. She was a women, so I naturally assumed she would be more stubborn than I could be, so I backed down.
I chose to follow the best piece of advice I ever heard, "Never ruin an apology with an excuse." I sincerely apologized to my former nemesis, and I thought that would be the end of it.
Til this day, That women practically worships the ground I walk on, because I said the simple words I am Sorry, without using the word "but" afterwards.
Seriously, A sincere apology can make a world of difference.
Unfortunately, It isn't possible for someone to sincerely apologize without first accepting that the other person is a peer.
This has been the most consistent quality found in successful educators, leaders, bosses, and the like. The ability to step off their pedestal and see eye to eye with another person, to communicate with them as an equal. (this isn't as commonly found as it should be.)
I heard from Rabbi Aron Kaufman in Waterbury that when the Torah says, "Love your neighbor as you love yourself," It follows with the words, "(because)I am Hashem, your G-D."
This is telling us that as we are all creations of G-d, in that sense we are all equal. One talent or quality, versus another, ultimately is a gift from the same source. If one can accept that Who he/she is, is from Hashem, and Who a peer is, is from the Same Hashem, Than they can communicate, and relate to that person as a peer.
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