To preface, I work with teens.
I talk to them, advise, teach, etc.
I've been involved for a couple of years now, and I'm still amazed at the stupidity of some of the adults out there. I mean, these people are supposed to be experts in the field, but they continue to discourage, degrade, or simple dismiss the teens of today. They create rules they know won't be followed, they harp on the smallest of problems but neglect to see the biggies, and they refuse to acknowledge that their way may be the wrong one.
How can one be the principal of a school and neglect to notice the disillusionment of many of the girls? Aren't our schools supposed to be instilling a love of Yiddishkeit? When I asked some students whether they liked being frum, or what they liked best about being frum, many were hard pressed to find an answer, or simply stated "I don't. I'm just scared that if I don't stay frum, I won't be accepted by my family and friends."
We're the Am Hanivchar. We have more to offer these girls than just a notion of acceptance. Why can't we show it?
The title's sorta self explanatory, ain't it? This is the place where the things I dream are sent to cyberspace for all to examine, dissect, and return with comments.
16 comments:
excellent point..
we need siilar programs to those they teach in aish hatorah...and other bt programs..
Nt just for teens but adults too
You have a couple of different points here...
The first one is SO TRUE! Even as a shnooky high school kid (and I was a good kid, too -- very naive about things that go on) I realized that the admin would just have to pick their battles or else lose the war. They'd criticize people for wearing bracelets they deemed too colorful, making the kid feel defensive before giving any chance to form a positive relationship. Come on!
Regarding the second issue...
I think the problem is that they make certain assumptions about the students which may not necessarily be true. Every entering student should be viewed as a clean slate and the education should start with the fundamental issues. Don't rely on their background-- create it. I could go into more detail, but this isn't my soapbox.
I agree with David about programs for frum Jews like those that they give to bt's. This way they can learn how to answer 'why'
About the first point I made - there is nothing to be done unless the principals admit to their fallacies and start changing. My harping on it isn't going to do much, but I really don't know what else to do.
And towards the second point - David, you've made a good point, but programs such as those you've mentioned do exist. There are a few problems with these programs:
1) One who attends is often viewed as a "problem" when the opposite is the case.
2) Some schools refuse to admit the program into their schools, or refuse to allow the admisters of the program to answer questions once they're through.
3) This really shouldn't be a "program" that comes to school once in a while, but rather, part of the curriculum.
Only then will we gain back the love of Torah and Yiddishkeit e once had.
So true!
I have alot of Baalei Teshuva in my home who gave up extrememly succesful careers in show business and the like, so my teenage daughter now knows that the outside world isn't as glamerous as it seems. I think that more schools should have these amazing people speak about what made them give up the so-called 'good life' to be frum. It would be such a chizuk for the girls.
Firsty it's amazing that you work with them and it sounds like you are great with them so kudos to you:) I get very frustrated when I see all the troubled teens and know that not enough is done in schools today. Wish I could just take a hammer and bop all of their heads! Actually I would like to do a lot more.
kasamba - I wish I would've grown up with guests like those in my household. Many people think that if you invite people from varied backgrounds into your home, your kids will be influenced for the bad. That idea is usually untrue. If your hashkafos are correct and you express and feel a deep love of yiddishkeit, your kids are going to feel it, too, and having these guests will only strengthen their connection to the Ribono Shel Olam.
So kudos to you for creating a fine household.
SWFM - wish I could do more. But it's hard being a youn force in an established, staid world.
And btw, I wasn't just speaking of the so-called "troubled teens." I'm speaking of the regular, frum bais yaakov girls who go to the frummest of schools - most truly don't have an appreciation for Yiddishkeit and are simply disillusioned.
Try it out. Ask some teens you know (who would speak to you honestly) one of these questons:
Do you like being frum?
What's your favorite part of Yiddishkeit?
Why are you frum?
What's better about yiddishkeit versus frumkeit?
Remember, only ask these questions of teens with whom you have an open dialogue.
Sorry - last question should read "yiddishkeit versus non-religious"
"Only then will we gain back the love of Torah and Yiddishkeit e once had."
but the love ot torah they once had was not based on such programs..
those programs are a bandaid for those who never got to grow up living it.
maybe as adults its valuable to learn these things..
but i dont think torah is meant to be viewed as an intellectual option.
its life
its truth
AND once youre mature enough, you learn why that's so.
on the other hand, i dont know much about these kids and their schools but i do see there is a problem from the adults ive met whove gone thru the system. i think a love of torah and judiasm needs to be taught, but im not sure aish type programs are whats needed.
just a love of torah :)
not sighing, and forcing, and punishing.. but doing it out of lovem, and being grateful and happy about it
just to clarify - i dont mean that judaism cant be learned and appreciated intellectually -im just not sure its the best way to teach it to kids. kids learn thru experience
anonymookie - I agree with you. That's why i wrote that there shouldn't be a "program".
We have to love Torah and Yiddishkeit ourselves. We can't harp on the little things but rather, see these teens as th wonderful, Jewish human beings they are.
And we have to work out for ourselves what's bothering us about Yiddishkeit so that it ceases to become a burden and rather, becomes a most precious gift.
About your last point - Yes, kids do learn best through our actions, but we're talking of teens here. Their brains are on an adult level, only society doesn't allow them to use it to that extent and places them in the "teen" role. Anybody can learn from example, and it's not only what we give over but how as well.
I also don't think that BT-style programs are what's needed for FFB kids.
IMHO, what they're looking for is not proof, which is what Discovery, among other programs, focuses on. What they're looking for is a personal connection. That's why I think that the best thing we can attempt to give them is an open, accepting relationship.
People are drawn to what makes them feel good. I'm not here to say whether or not that's ideal; it's reality-- for babies, teens, and adults alike. I am NOT suggesting that Judaism has to be a feel-good proposition; in fact, I think quite the opposite. But if we want people to stay, we need to give them the positivity they crave. Specifically, 1) stop bashing them for everything they do, and give them some space to discover themselves. 2) Besides the vague attempt to give off vibes of your own love, teach from mussar texts that nurture the human potential, for example. In addition, instead of going into the grammar of each word in each verse (which certainly has its place as well), teach commentaries that discuss people's varying roles, or ways to serve G-d in different circumstances. Take a step back from individual points and look more globally at what the Torah has to say about world and life topics. I am not suggesting that we abandon the sequential learning of Tanach; but that instead of having five (minimum) different classes for this, as most high schools do, balance it with challenging classes that bring together different points, different sources, to get a broader picture. When I did this (didn't happen until the very end of HS, unfortunately) I found that the broader picture was very positive, clear, comforting, and helped me to see the same ideas on the textual levels as well. It was also great for my mind, as I was never any good at memorizing verses or reading rashies, but these more idea-based classes allow for greater flexibility in one's learning style.
Well just giving them a love for yiddishkeit and whatever else you instill is still amazing even if they are "normal by girls".:)
Great post!
Knaidel - interesting ideas. Let's put them to fruition, k?
SW/FM - Thanks for the chizuk. I need it at times.
Lakewood Venter - Thanks. I try.
:)
You should really read my Post about Education Reform in the Frum System. This is one of my personal projects which I am actively pursuing.
The trick is to get the teachers and principals to constantly be focusing on professional development. They need to learn situation handling, and various techniques to personalize the class lessons, and encourage individuality.
If the box is flexible and expandable, each student can find their comfort zone, kinda like those tempurpedic mattresses, which adjust to each individual. If the box is firm and static if you can't fit inside, you break the box and end up with no boundaries or guidelines.
Someone needs to explain to these students that religion is a personal journey of self-discovery. It is about understanding yourself, and the world around you. It is about mastering your universe.
You should tell your students, "There are two ways to make a light bulb, you can spend years figuring out how to do it through real world experimentation, or you can take Thomas Edison's notebook, and see exactly how to make a light bulb.
School is preparing for the Journey. It is a simple formula of Opportunity cost, if you insist on experiencing everything for yourself prior to accepting it, you will not get very far, and will deal with alot more frustration than a math mid-term.
Tell them to take their class lessons with a grain of salt, and see for themselves when the opportunity presents itself, but being taught the secrets is the most efficient usage of their time. How can they argue that good information only helps!
As far as your actual post, I believe most are simple results from the deep-rooted problems existing in today's education system.
People don't need to know the WHY to do what's right, they just need to be heard and appreciated.
A teacher doesn't need to know the answer, they just need to respect their students questions and opinions. There is nothing wrong with telling a student, "That is a good question, I am unsure of the answer, give me a few days to research it for you. In the mean time ask your parents."
My memories of high school are still relatively fresh, and I know what I said bothered me was never what really bothered me.
The kids just need room to explore their individuality, and learn to always thirst for more and better information. their foundation isn't what's rocky, it's our foundation which needs revamping.
I am sick of people talking about troubled teens, and kids at risk... Those are just a bunch of words for people to use to pretend that they care, when in fact those very terms are judging them, and patronizing them.
We need to learn to listen and respect everyone no matter how young and uneducated they are.
That is the only way, educators will reach their students!!!
Post a Comment