I went to a wedding the other night. There was this girl there, a few months older than me. She had the most morose look imaginable pasted on her face. She stood to the side while we were all dancing, and the kallah had to drag her in to the circle.
I tried to dance with her, but she told me she's too old to dance.
I laughed. Too old? She's got to be kidding!
She looked at me with a sad sort of smile and whispered "When your younger brother gets married, you'll know what I'm feeling, and you'll be exactly the same way."
And then she turned away.
I chased after her; whirled her around at the shoulder. I stared her in the eye and said firmly "No, I won't be like that. And I hope you won't either. Because you're worth more than that."
No matter how I'm feeling inside at times, I won't stand on the sidelines. I won't hide myself. I won't show a depressed outlook to the world.
My blog is my insides, though, so you guys get to see a different side of me than the rest of the populace.
Sorry for being so depressing of late. Thanks for your encouragement, and just know that it makes me smile. And I am really happy.
Most of the time.
:)
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16 comments:
Wow that girl must have really been hurting inside. Too bad she didn't have your strength to hide her pain at someone elses simcha. Was it perhaps a different, younger crowd than she usually hangs out with? Maybe she just felt uncomfortable. I can't say I will dance my feet off at my younger sisters friends weddings which I'm on my way to.
Hope your friends will be dancing at your weddings soon.
P.S. It is okay to let out your feelings and frustrations. It is very healing...
I wish there was more for me to say. I wish I had some special words that would ease the pain, take away the hurt...
But the only words I know to say are that He loves you more than anything in this world...and He is crying right there beside you. You are on His lap, and He's holding your hand...tight...
I don't know if those words help you...I really hope they weren't the wrong things to say...But I know they have helped me when I lived through my own personal terrors and kept me from falling apart...
We love you...
Hang in there...
halfshared - yeah, she is really hurting. she's a good friend of my cousin, so i know her pretty well. she's been depressed for a couple of years - saying her brothergot married is just an addition... and no, the wedding wasn't of someone younger. though most of the crowd was married - very few singles.
i missed my friend's sister's wedding, but not on purpose - only cuz i was out of town.
amen.
i know.
Fair enough.
At least I get to see the outside view sometimes, while everyone else thinks you're going off the deep end for real... :-)
Thanks for sharing your insides. Hope it helps so they don't go spilling out in public :-P
That's just to sad. It sounds like she gave up on enjoying life.
Its sad..
But if its painful for her..then she shouldnt have to do anything...
I know I try to avoid unpleasent situations..as long as no one else gets hurt..
I'm glad I wasn't like that at my sister's wedding. It's not like my life is over just because a new stage of hers is beginning! But I know for many people it is a struggle, and just because I had a relatively easy time doesn't mean that everyone else does. I'm sure she must be in tremendous pain, and I hope she can get through it.
You don't have to apologize for showing your insides on your blog. That's what it's here for, after all! Just know that we're all here for you and we care about you. Of course we want you to be happy, but we still want to hear from you even when you're not! It's important to have a safe place to show your insides.
I'm glad we get to see yours.
Wow, that poor girl. Though I have to admit that when I was only 20 and many of my high school friends had gotten married or were dating, and it was going slowly for me, it got harder and harder for me to be happy for them. And I was only 20! This society is sick, that a girl should be nervous about getting married at such a young age.
Marriage is not the be-all and end-all. If someone feels (chronically) sad, depressed, lonely and single, then u know what happens after marriage? They usually feel sad, depressed, lonely and.... married.
We are in complete control over our emotions, no matter what our circumstances.
The Gr"a writes that a person can NOT achieve real happiness unless he enjoys the process leading to the goal, instead of just waiting anxiously for the goal to arrive.
That means enjoying the years in college while getting ure degree...
That means enjoying your pregnancy and labor while bringing a child into the world...
That means enjoying ure piano lessons while learning how to play the piano...
...and not just waiting impatiently til u reach ur goal.
Most ppl wanna get married. No one really wants to be alone forever.
But more of us should learn from you Dreamer about how to truly be happy (albeit moments of negativity and occasional downs) with who you are and what youre doing while trying to achieve your goal.
Maybe if I was more like you Id have finished learning to play the piano... ;-(
That's terrible! I don't know what to say beyond that, but it is!
There is the matter of what you should do and the matter of what deep in side you'd like to do and then there is reality - the fact that you don't have the energy to do either of the above. So please don't judge her too harshly. She was probably in need of a big hug!
BM - posted 'specially for you.
:)
little birdies - yup. she did. for a whil now...
david - i know. that's why i didn't force her. but i thought that if anyone could rlate to her, it was me, and even i couldn't get through not apologizing, really. just explaining.
and i care about you all, too.
marriage newbie - yah, well, she's not 20 anymore...
alien - i never finished learning to play either...
b4s - yup, it is.and sometimes, there's just nothing to say.
anon - i ain't judging her. just feeling for her. really.
I get it : ) (Not the part about the girl, the second half of your post)
Speaking of piano lessons...
How's it goin with the flute???
Mine is still in the stinky black bag it came in... ;-(
I didn't know you played an instrument. I used to play flute (well I still do, but life is too busy for me to pull it out)
at peace - :)
alien - i've tried playing a couple of times, but haven't had much of a chance yet. i think i'm gonna buy a book to teach me...
little birdies - don't play any instrument very well. only took up piano about two years ago, so i'm still a newbie...
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