If You Like Him... (1)

So there I was, sitting on a dirty, worn out chair, wondering how to extricate myself from this mess.
Oh, where was I?
Well... Ya see, my cousins used to live upstairs from this Sephardic family. They always seemed very pleasant, and I got used to hearing their "allo"s whenever I'd visit. And after my cousins moved from the Holy Land, and I'd finished my two year stint in Israel, I'd return each year and stay at a friend who lived one building over. Six years down the line, my face was quite a familiar one to those nice neighbors.
But I never knew what they really did. I mean, I knew that they were tremendous baalei chessed and all that, but I didn't know much else.
This past Succos, I travelled to the land with my family. Our apartment was just down the street from my usual dwelling place. As I passed by the building on my last day in the country, I stopped to chat for a minute with the woman of the house.

"You want my mum to take away ayin harah?" she asked.
Huh? So not my thing.
"My mum, people wait for long time to talk to her. She very good. Come."
My mother looked at me. I gave her a quizzical look as she told the woman "Why not? Can't hurt. Go on in, ok? Call me when you're finished and we'll go to the Kosel."

So I followed the woman into her mother's apartment...

to be continued...

Sing To Me

Sing to me, my friend.
Sing to me of love and devotion.

Sing to me, my friend.
Sing to me of prayer and emotion.

Sing to me, my friend.
Sing to me of hope and acceptance.

Sing to me, my friend.
Sing to me of wisdom and repentance.

Sing to me, my friend.
Sing to me of dreams and desires.

Sing to me, my friend.
Sing to me of luminescence and fires.

Sing to me, my friend.
Sing to me of closeness and affection

Sing to me, my friend.
Sing to me of tears and direction.

Too Old To Dance

I went to a wedding the other night. There was this girl there, a few months older than me. She had the most morose look imaginable pasted on her face. She stood to the side while we were all dancing, and the kallah had to drag her in to the circle.

I tried to dance with her, but she told me she's too old to dance.
I laughed. Too old? She's got to be kidding!
She looked at me with a sad sort of smile and whispered "When your younger brother gets married, you'll know what I'm feeling, and you'll be exactly the same way."

And then she turned away.

I chased after her; whirled her around at the shoulder. I stared her in the eye and said firmly "No, I won't be like that. And I hope you won't either. Because you're worth more than that."

No matter how I'm feeling inside at times, I won't stand on the sidelines. I won't hide myself. I won't show a depressed outlook to the world.

My blog is my insides, though, so you guys get to see a different side of me than the rest of the populace.

Sorry for being so depressing of late. Thanks for your encouragement, and just know that it makes me smile. And I am really happy.
Most of the time.
:)

Take Away

Take away the wind
So I don't feel the breeze

Take away the doorways
So I don't feel the tease

Take away the clocks
So I don't feel the wait

Take away the smiles
So I don't feel the hate

Take away the clouds
So I don't feel the rain

Take away my heart
So I don't feel the pain

Our Argument

We just finished arguing.
As usual, we both think we're right.
I wish you'd take a moment to think.
Really think about what I've said.

I'm not the kind of person to just say things.
Take me seriously, please.
I've really thought things through.
My decision wasn't made in a split second.
Nor within a minute.
Rather, it was over many months
and spoken from experience.

Just listen to me for once, ok?
Listen to what I'm saying.

Know who I am
and where I'm coming from.

Know that I'm not you.
And I never will be.

I have different needs.
Different wants.

And you're making things very difficult.

Crazy

Sometimes I get overwhelmed
Can't find my place
Sometimes I can't hold steady
To paste a smile on my face

So I laugh instead
And you look at me
Like I'm crazy

I just laugh instead
While you tell me
There's no place for me

Sometimes I can't see ahead
Don't know my own
Sometimes I just feel that
My chances are all blown

So I laugh instead
And you look at me
Like I'm crazy

I just laugh instead
While you tell me
There's no place for me

And I'm messed up inside
And I feel hurt and pride
And I just want to hide
So I can cry

Without you calling me
Crazy.

Acknowledgement

It feels so good to be acknowledged for something by a family member.
Most of the time, my family becomes so used to things that I do, that instead of them enjoying it, they get annoyed.
My sis just called me to tell me that she really enjoyed a particular something of mine which she never really paid much attention to before.
:)

Love you, sis!

Afraid to Care

I wrote this some time ago. It's not finished, and I guess it won't be until something happens... (and please don't read into anything - nothing's happening!)

I'm walking beside you
Trying to understand you
Hoping to find some sort of connection

I'm reading into words
Thinking that they sound absurd
And my mind's flying in every direction


'Cause every time I close my eyes
I feel like I am in disguise
And you can't see behind the mask I wear

And I'm not calling for your help
I just want to be myself
But I'm afraid to show I care


You seem so self assured
While I'm crawling on all fours
You are so close and yet you're miles away

You think you know my mind
That there's nothing new you'll find
And it scares me that I'm feeling the same way

'Cause every time I close my eyes
I feel like I am in disguise
And you can't see behind the mask I wear

And I'm not calling for your help
I just want to be myself
But I'm afraid to show I care

Feed the Birds

Kol Isha Alert!

Often, we don't realize the value of the little things we do. We think we're incapable, not worthy enough; we think that noone pays us any attention, and that what we do or say makes no difference.

"Feed the Birds" recently became one of my favorite songs. I can listen to it again and again and not tire. The song's lesson is timeless, and I tear up each time I play it.

Keep doing those little things, and show others you care. Don't worry; even if you think you're invisible, you're far from it.