What do you do when you have two different teenagers in one day cry to you over the fact that their friends are influencing them for the worse? And then describe what, in fact, they were influenced to do.
All I could do was cry along with them...
(More later on the actual conversations... just had to get this off my chest...)
actually, I just realized that I can't post the conversations... if I change anything, it just won't sound the same...
I'll try to posts my thoughts on the issue of influence later, though...
The title's sorta self explanatory, ain't it? This is the place where the things I dream are sent to cyberspace for all to examine, dissect, and return with comments.
10 comments:
Wow what a toughy, I can see how it would just completely break your heart:(
That reminds me of something that struck me from this past week's Parsha.
At the end, when Zimri - a Nassi from the tribe of Shimon - openly defied and violated the issur of engaging in relations with a non jewess, we see that Moshe and the elders just stood there and wept. Rashi explains that when someone is in the middle of an act of rebellion, there's almost nothing than can be done to dissuade that person committing the act.
So, seemingly powerless, they wept.
But I'd like to make an observation, and I'll base myself on a story with the Chofetz Chaim. A secular jew was once brought to the Chafetz Chaim, in an effort to have some sort of effect on this non religious person, and possibly inspire him to return to the fold.
The man went in there with certain expectations, ready for arguments and pleas of logic, and so, he went prepared, adamant that he wouldn't succumb to the Chofetz Chaim's "wiles".
The others waited outside, for a seemingly short time. The man stepped out from the Chofetz Chaim's study visibly shaken. He told the others that all that had occured once inside was that the holy man looked at him and wept, softly repeating "Shabbos, Shabbos" over and over.
In short, I'd like to say that perhaps Moshe and the elders reaction to Zimri's brazen flouting of Halacha wasn't merely a manifestation of helplessness. Maybe, even on a subliminal level, the act of crying - in sympathy, in empathy - can be more powerful than even the most stirring rousing words of encouragement.
Dreamer, your tears show that you care. Obviously they know this, otherwise they wouldn't talk to you. You're doing fine, and keep it up.
By the way, I just sacrificed a post idea I had for this comment...:)
That's so sad. :'(
If I knew what was going on I might have more specific advice... is there a way you can try to help them make better friends?
swfm - i think it broke theirs more than mine....
jewmaican - wow. beautiful thoughts. you can still post it. not everyone reads my blog...
scraps - as i said, i 'll try to post some of the conversations later...
with one, she does have a set of better friends, but it's difficult to drop friends you've had for so long...
with the other, it's an issue of being in the only school available... at least she has camp now so she's out of it... but come september, she's sorta surrounded...
My sympathies, working with teenagers is hard, every issue is magnified and it is that time in life when you are between two worlds. It is when faced with these challenges that teenagers can become strong and independent - the hardest is that you have to try to give them the skills to help themselves because it is this which will empower them when you are not around. Crying with them shows them they aren't alone but the next steps are harder cus sometimes you feel lik you want to take over their life and make it all better.
Unfortunately it's so common and so true. I grew up in a community where there was only one girl's school. I saw plenty of girls become frummer due to influences of friends. And unfortunately I saw plenty of good kids from good homes start to slip or fall, because of friends.
behind a smile - i don't only cry with them. i yell at them, too. :)
littlebirdies - yeah, it's one of the scariest things... i have one friend who i watched change from ultra frum to apathetic in about the space of two years... and this was after seminary...
One of my closest friends landed up in the wrong crowd and went from ultra frum to not frum at all. Not only that, but because of her influence, a few of her siblings also went off. For a while she wouldn't talk to me, since I represented what she was trying to get away from.
littlebirdies - ouch. that hurts.
Post a Comment