Foreign

The customs officer waved me on.
"Gracias!" I said.
I entered the arrivals hall
scanning the crowd for a familiar face.
I did not see her.
She said she would be waiting
but she wasn't.
I walked over to a payphone.
Cards only.
Some guy
wanting to practice his english
offered to help
and pointed me to a store.
Only the store did not sell cards.
I asked a girl using the phone
where she bought hers.
In broken english
she informed me
but the woman behind the counter
gave me the wrong thing.
I was getting desperate.
Here I was
alone
in a foreign country
barely speaking a word of the language.
The girl from the phone offered her card.
I called my friend.
She was stuck in traffic.
I breathed a sigh of relief
as I waited it out.

But I was thinking...
Wouldn't it have been easier
if I had taken the time
to learn some words of Spanish
BEFORE I came on this trip?

Wouldn't it be easier
to take the time
and learn some of the prayers
BEFORE we take a trip
through the Yamim Noraim?

Won't we feel more at ease?
More at home?

Pressure

I hate being pressured to do something I dislike. I have a difficult time saying no, and once I'm committed to something, I rarely back out. So why is it that others, especially some of those close to me, take advantage of this aspect of me? Don't they know that it hurts me so? Don't the know that it pains me greatly to be be teased? Don't they realize that in order for me to be happy right now, I don't have to be making money, but rather, enjoy what I'm doing? Why do others try to make me feel guilty for choosing to teach rather than working in a myriad of other jobs? Why do I have to make $70,000+ in order to be considered succesful? What if I just want to CHILL right now? What if I find fulfillment in other areas? I don't have a family now. I don't have many bills to pay. I just want to contribute to the world right now, in my own way. Can't they just let me be?

I'm getting so totally sick of the jabs aimed at me that I want to just run far, far away...

I Thought...

I thought I heard your voice
Yesterday
But it was only the echo
of some long forgotten memory.

I thought I heard you sing
Yesterday
But it was only the music
of a passing car.

I thought I heard your steps
Yesterday
But it was only the woman
who comes to clean.

I thought I saw your face
Yeterday
But it was only a passing
reflection in the mirror.

I thought I felt your touch
Yesterday
But it was only the branch
of a tree in the wind.

I dreamed of you
Yesterday.
Of what you would be.
Of who you would be.
Of where you would be.

I'm still dreaming.
And tomorrow
is another day.

Hit

Last night, I hit a dog.
It darted out in front of my car.
I tried to swerve around it, but it was too late.
It had already gone under my wheel.
The dog's owner screamed and cried over her severely injured pet.
One witness cursed me out, along with all other Jews.
Another came to my aid, saying that it wasn't my fault.
Two others called 911.
The owner zoomed off to the vet.
I doubt the dog made it.
Withing minutes, there were ten police cars and a state trooper surrounding my car.
I felt sick to my stomach.
Just kept imagining the thump and rollover...
And kept shaking over the thought of "What if it had been a child?"
The trooper and policemen all comforted me.
And took down my info.
So strange, to hand ovr my license.
I never received even a speeding ticket.

I still feel sick at the thought of it.

The Written Word

Ksiva ViChasima Tova!

The power of the written word...

What more can I say?

Ah guten choidesh to you all.

Yesterday

YESTERDAY

Yesterday
Is no more.
Can’t change the things I did.
Can’t take back my words.
No matter how many times
I try to erase
To rub out
My thoughts of
Yesterday
They are still there.
Laughing at me.
Tormenting me.
I try to stamp out
The echoes of
Yesterday
But the sounds
Only escalate
And bang on my eardrums.
I thought I changed.
I thought I was different
Than what I was
Yesterday
But it seems
I am wrong.
I still remember
Yesterday.

The Judge

I find myself to be extremely judgmental many a time. Though I usually hide it quite well (at least, I think I do!) it irks me to no end how much I tend to judge people based on first impressions. One of the reasons why I like blogging so much is because blogging doesn't give me that chance to judge people until I absolutely know their stance and view and all else.

The crazy thing is that I deal with with so many different people from all walks of life and Judaism, yet I still am judgmental. I hate myself for it, and wish I could stop, but that takes so much work... And I've tried. Oh, have I tried, but it still doesn't seem to be getting any better.

Any suggestions?

Apples to Apples

We think we have to
know it all.
We think we have to
say it all.
We think that we have to
be smart.
Entertaining.
Knowledgable.
Infallible.

But sometimes,
all it takes to draw someone
towards yiddishkeit
is an awesome game of
Apple to Apples.

:)