Conversation #1

Hi.
Hi, how're you doing?
Not good. Do you have time to talk?
Can I call you back in ten minutes. I'm outside now. Gotta go to someplace private.
Sure. Bye.
Bye.


Hello?
Hi.
Ok, I'm alone now. What's up?
I don't know.
Come on, talk to me. What's going on? How's everything going?
Everything's fine. I mean, it isn't, but it's sort of better than it used to be. It's just that so many changes happened in such a short time, and I just can't deal with them all.
Can't deal? Why not?
I'm not in my home, nothing's the same. Ok, so nobody's yelling at me to get out of the house. So I don't have to deal with my stepsisters, or try to talk to my mom when she doesn't even want to be mine. Still, it's not my place. I feel like everyone's pitying me.
Are they?
I don't know. They're talking about me. My cousins talk to their friends, my aunt to hers. My uncle doesn't talk much, but he never does.
Everybody likes talking about everyone. People like to talk. I'm not going to tell you it's easy, or that it feels good, but in the world we live in, people talk. They talk about me, they talk about you, they talk about whatever strikes their fancy at that moment. What do you want to do about it?
Do? There's not much I can do.
Well, you can't tell anyone else what to do, but you can tell yourself.
But that's the problem. I'm falling apart. I'm going crazy. Sometimes, I think of doing something really bad, just to get back at G-d. I don't know of a single other teenager who's going through all that I am.
Maybe there isn't anyone. After all, each person is different than the other. Even if you would be going through the same as another, you would experience it differently.
That doesn't make me feel better.
It's not supposed to.
But tell me, WHY am I going through all this? I really can't take it anymore.
I can't tell you why, because I really don't know. Tell you what, though. Are you getting back at G-d when you do something bad?
Yeah.
Really?
Well, not really. But I just don't know why He's making me go through all this.
Neither do I. But you've been this strong till now. And doing the wrong thing won't help you cope any better.
K, I hear what you're saying. But.... Woops, gotta go. My dad's coming to take me out to eat.
Bye. I'll speak to you.

Caring Too Much?!?

I'm really fuming right now, and just want to get this off my chest.

As you know, I teach. In the english department. Since I'm a young, with-it sort, some girls have developed a relationship with me, and call or text me with questions, problems, or just to shmooze. One principal is all for it. She wanted to take me on for another period JUST to talk to the girls.

Today, the assistant principal calls me in to talk about one of the girls I've been talking to. Then, she told me that I should cool off talking to the girls, because it may cause politics in the hebrew department if they find out that I'm talking to the girls. As an english teacher, I may have a negative impact on the girls and advise them in the wrong manner.

Now, no matter that I have a Rav, a major mechanech, whom I speak to about major issues. No matter that there are maybe one or two other teachers in the entire school whom the students feel comfortable talking with. No matter that some potential disasters have been avoided because of the kesher thes girls have with a teacher.

Nope, no matter.

The one thing on her mind is that it may lead to politics, and she doesn't want my name to be besmirched.

Nebach!

So these girls should be left with noone because of the idiocies of some unrealistic people.

If this is what this world is like, count me out.

I'm going to continue doing what I know is right.

When I started this job, my Rav told me that if I do what I'm doing, I'll get flack. I was waiting for it all along, but now that it's actually happened, I'm officially ashamed to be a part of this school.

:(

To My Students...

When you raise your hand in question
And there's no time to answer
At the moment
I see you.

When you come crying to me
Begging me for those extra points
So that your parents shouldn't be
Disappointed
I hear you.

When you call me just to talk
And become frustrated
When I don't pick up my phone
I understand you.

When you complain to me
About the wrongdoings of
Other teachers
And how they hurt you
I cry for you.

When you're talking during class
and I ask you to take your conversation
Outside
And you're embarrassed,
I hurt with you.

When you're overloaded with work
At school and at home
And I schedule another test
I break alongside you.

When you worked really hard
And finally get that mark
You've always dreamed of
I smile with you.

When you realize that school
It just one stop along life
And you give it your all
But don't let it overpower you,

When you notice the girls around you
And befriend them
When you try hard
When you fall
When you succeed,

When you open your mind
And heart
To the world
I notice.
I care for you.
And I respect you.

Self Perception

Had an interesting discussion with some students yesterday.
We started dicussing how one can never know what is happening in another's life, and therefore, shouldn't wish to have the other's life. (They brought this up...)

We then continued into a discussion on judging others and feeling that others look down upon you.

I told them this:
Noone feels looked down upon unless you have something to be looked down upon for.

Of course, most started arguing and claimed this wasn't true, which was expected.

So let me explain:
If you're a genius, and know it, then if one day, someone tells you "You know, you're so stupid!" - will you believe him?
Obviously not.
You know you're smart, so what another says is just plain foolish.

However, if your IQ is not above the 100 range, and someone would call you stupid - no matter if the thing you've said WASN'T stupid, you'd still feel so, because you FEEL that there's validity to what the other's saying.

Same goes for much else.

It's all a matter of YOUR perception.

So don't let others get you down.
Know that you make your own choices, and NOBODY can make you do or feel anything you don't choose to do or feel.

I remember discussing this topic with some MO girls who asked me why Chassidic Jews looked down at them.
I didn't reply in the affirmative or the negative - what I did say was two things:
1)Have you ever asked anyone Chassidic this question?
2)Noone feels looked down upon unless you have something to be looked down upon for.

After a lengthy, two hour discussion, they admitted (without my insinuating much) that maybe they weren't dressed so tzanua, and maybe they weren't behaving with guys kihalacha, and a multitude of other things they KNEW they were doing wrong, but didn't want OTHERS to acknowledge the fact.

I told them: You live in a real world, babe. What you wear and what you do define where you want to be. Granted, you're not at that level. Don't expect others to place you above the level you're at. It's all a matter of perception. Your own self-perception.

And that's the whole of it.

Arguments, anyone?