Future

I look at these young ninth graders.
So innocent.
So unknowing.
And I wonder about them
As they sit here
Scribbling the answers to their final.
I wonder about these young souls.
Who will pass,
And who will fail.
Who will make it,
And who will fall behind.
Who will lead,
And who will follow.
Who will collapse beneath the burdens of life,
And who will grow from them.
Who will marry,
And who will remain single,
And who will divorce,
And who will wait for children.
Who will become disillusioned with Judaism,
And who will marry a future Rosh Yeshiva.
I look at these ninth graders
And I wonder about their future.
So unknown.
So scary.
Yet so bright.

written while proctoring...

Calling for Info

I bumped into my high school principal recently.
She held my hand, drew me close, and whispered in my ear "Someone called me about you just two days ago."

That was it.
No inkling as to what she said about me. No nothing. Just trying to give me chizuk that shidduchim are being redt and that people are asking about me.

The only problem is this: I don't want people to call my principal for info about me. High school was a number of years ago. I've drastically changed since then. Old friends who meet me on the street or at a wedding constantly exclaim over how different I am. Aside from the fact that she didn't know me very well during high school, either.

When people ask me for references, I never give her name. When asked why, I simply explain that I've changed, and most are fine with that. So why are people still calling?

Now, don't get me wrong. This principal is a wonderful woman, truly caring and all the rest. But the truth remains that she doesn't know me at all. Never did and still doesn't.

I know this holds true for other girls as well. I understand calling the principal for info the first few years after high school. But unless one's from a small town, and the school is really tiny, after a prescribed amount of years, principals should not be called unless specifically given as a reference.

Just my opinion on the matter.
:)

Victory!

I've been working with one girl now for a few months and finally have made some headway.
She's actually listening to me!
And everyone else wrote her off as hopeless...

Still got a loooooooong way to go, but at least she's now willing to listen.

Caring Too Much?!?

I'm really fuming right now, and just want to get this off my chest.

As you know, I teach. In the english department. Since I'm a young, with-it sort, some girls have developed a relationship with me, and call or text me with questions, problems, or just to shmooze. One principal is all for it. She wanted to take me on for another period JUST to talk to the girls.

Today, the assistant principal calls me in to talk about one of the girls I've been talking to. Then, she told me that I should cool off talking to the girls, because it may cause politics in the hebrew department if they find out that I'm talking to the girls. As an english teacher, I may have a negative impact on the girls and advise them in the wrong manner.

Now, no matter that I have a Rav, a major mechanech, whom I speak to about major issues. No matter that there are maybe one or two other teachers in the entire school whom the students feel comfortable talking with. No matter that some potential disasters have been avoided because of the kesher thes girls have with a teacher.

Nope, no matter.

The one thing on her mind is that it may lead to politics, and she doesn't want my name to be besmirched.

Nebach!

So these girls should be left with noone because of the idiocies of some unrealistic people.

If this is what this world is like, count me out.

I'm going to continue doing what I know is right.

When I started this job, my Rav told me that if I do what I'm doing, I'll get flack. I was waiting for it all along, but now that it's actually happened, I'm officially ashamed to be a part of this school.

:(

To My Students...

When you raise your hand in question
And there's no time to answer
At the moment
I see you.

When you come crying to me
Begging me for those extra points
So that your parents shouldn't be
Disappointed
I hear you.

When you call me just to talk
And become frustrated
When I don't pick up my phone
I understand you.

When you complain to me
About the wrongdoings of
Other teachers
And how they hurt you
I cry for you.

When you're talking during class
and I ask you to take your conversation
Outside
And you're embarrassed,
I hurt with you.

When you're overloaded with work
At school and at home
And I schedule another test
I break alongside you.

When you worked really hard
And finally get that mark
You've always dreamed of
I smile with you.

When you realize that school
It just one stop along life
And you give it your all
But don't let it overpower you,

When you notice the girls around you
And befriend them
When you try hard
When you fall
When you succeed,

When you open your mind
And heart
To the world
I notice.
I care for you.
And I respect you.

Self Perception

Had an interesting discussion with some students yesterday.
We started dicussing how one can never know what is happening in another's life, and therefore, shouldn't wish to have the other's life. (They brought this up...)

We then continued into a discussion on judging others and feeling that others look down upon you.

I told them this:
Noone feels looked down upon unless you have something to be looked down upon for.

Of course, most started arguing and claimed this wasn't true, which was expected.

So let me explain:
If you're a genius, and know it, then if one day, someone tells you "You know, you're so stupid!" - will you believe him?
Obviously not.
You know you're smart, so what another says is just plain foolish.

However, if your IQ is not above the 100 range, and someone would call you stupid - no matter if the thing you've said WASN'T stupid, you'd still feel so, because you FEEL that there's validity to what the other's saying.

Same goes for much else.

It's all a matter of YOUR perception.

So don't let others get you down.
Know that you make your own choices, and NOBODY can make you do or feel anything you don't choose to do or feel.

I remember discussing this topic with some MO girls who asked me why Chassidic Jews looked down at them.
I didn't reply in the affirmative or the negative - what I did say was two things:
1)Have you ever asked anyone Chassidic this question?
2)Noone feels looked down upon unless you have something to be looked down upon for.

After a lengthy, two hour discussion, they admitted (without my insinuating much) that maybe they weren't dressed so tzanua, and maybe they weren't behaving with guys kihalacha, and a multitude of other things they KNEW they were doing wrong, but didn't want OTHERS to acknowledge the fact.

I told them: You live in a real world, babe. What you wear and what you do define where you want to be. Granted, you're not at that level. Don't expect others to place you above the level you're at. It's all a matter of perception. Your own self-perception.

And that's the whole of it.

Arguments, anyone?

Procrastination

This is a post of procrastination.
Here I am, supposedly marking test papers.
Right.
If doing that was easy, I wouldn't be posting, would I?

And if whatever you were doing before you read this captured your attention, you wouldn't exactly be reading a post on procrastination, now, would you?

So what can I do to stop my serious problem of procrastinating?

I've got over five hundred papers waiting to be marked, including about 250 essays. (and that's no exaggeration!) Why am I posting instead of marking?
:(

And then I want my students to hand in their stuff on time.
What a great example I'm setting, huh?