Cow Shopping

Off to the farm
To purchase a cow
To feed my Son.

Farmer,
Line up the cows
So that I may make my
Selection.

That one’s got
Way too many spots.

This one has
Much too much
Meat on it.
My son will get fat.

That other one
Moos too often.

This one over here
Looks like it’s been
Through a lot.

Farmer,
Are there no cows
Good enough
To feed my Son?

Bring the sheep!

No, that one’s
Too bushy.

And why is this one
So quiet?

That other one
Has curly hair.
Probably a bad temperament.

Farmer,
Are there no sheep
Good enough
To feed my Son?

Bring the goats!

Now, that’s better.

This one’s got
A nice long mane.
And nice and thin, as well.

But wait!
What are these patches
Missing from her coat?

Too thin, you say?
Can’t be.
One can never be
Too thin.

I’ll take this one.

What’s that,
My dear Son?
There’s nothing left too eat?
Son, you shall learn…

Mommy knows best.

The REAL Wedding... :)

For those of you matchmakers out there, here's a different ending...
LOL

She was alone again. Alone in a room full of her heart. She felt the tears welling up again, against her will. As she sat down on a chair to compose herself, she heard footsteps come up from behind. She looked up to see the same guy from before.

"Are you OK? I noticed your face earlier, and I asked a friend who you were right then, during the chuppah. He said you were the kallah's closest friend."

"Yeah, I'm fine. I mean, I'll be fine."

"Just wanted you to know that my friend will take good care of yours... Don't worry."

"Oh, I'm not worried. It's just that... well... you know..."

"Yeah, I know. I feel the same." He looked down at her. "All the guys going and getting married, off into married neverland, while I remain on the sidelines."

She stared. "Wow, you really do know how it feels. Never thought a guy felt like that. I always look over and see you all talking, and I often wonder why you even bothered to come to the chuppah."

"Well, listen, I can't exactly stand there crying. I'd never hear the end of it. So we sometimes talk just to get our minds off of it all." He gave a sad smile. "Sometimes, I wish it didn't have to be that way."

"I guess that as a girl, it is easier to let out my emotions. But I sometimes feel so foolish. Especially now. I mean, she's my best friend. I want to be happy for her, and here I am, bawling my eyes out. It's like some unseen force took my heart, ripped it in two and place a bucket of tears in its place. I just can't stop crying."

"Well, you're not crying now." He grinned.

She blushed. "Umm... well... I'm sort of being distracted right now..."
She felt her cheeks turn a deeper shade of red.

He smiled again. "Ah, well, we seem to be getting on pretty well. You wanna go out some time?"

She turned crimson. "I guess... umm.. but.. I don't even know your name!"

"That makes two of us. I don't know yours either."

"Do you do this often?"

"Nah. I normally go the shidduch route. But your pain really struck me, so..."

"Thanks for coming over. I truly appreciate it."

"No problem. My pleasure."

They exchanged names and numbers and he left the room, leaving her to contemplate this strange encounter. She couldn't believe herself. She had totally misjudged him. Placed him in a box in which he didn't belong. She felt terrible. Her tears had dried on her face by now, forgotten.

She dreamily walked into the next room, a small smile on her face, and went to join her friends.

Grandmothers...

I love my grandmother.
I really do.
But when she asks me when I'm going to bring her some nachas already, I'm hurt.
Am I not a person in my own right?
Do I not bring nachas to my family through just being who I am?
I can't control when I'll get married.
But giving nachas?

...

Thoughts of Singledom

Sometimes, I wonder if I'll ever get married.

And when I think that, or say it out loud, I get the comments of "It can happen so quickly, you won't know what hit you..." or the like.

But I really wonder. Sometimes.

I look at those older women who just never found the right one. Not because they were choosy, not because they weren't pretty, not because of family problems or money problems or anything like that. They're wonderful, smart, down to earth, real people who just never had the merit to marry.
Will that be me?

And then I wonder: what is so amazing about marriage, anyway? Yes, I may be lonely right now. But that's because most of my friends are married and busy with their lives and kids and don't have much time for other friendships. Marriage is scary. You live with this guy who you don't know very well at first. He may turn out to be the world's biggest monster. Who knows? And then there are the kids. If you don't have any at first, people look at you and wonder. And then you go for treatments. And you have to go to simchos where you feel like a stranger and a nobody. And once you have kids, there's all the taking care, and the worries, and the responsibilities...

Yet, I WANT those responsibilities. I know that the relationship one has with a spouse can be like no other if one works at it and merits to reach that place. I know that the nachas one receives from kids is worth the effort and the worries and everything else.

But what if I don't get married? What if....

(Very incoherent, I know. But life doesn't always make sense...)

Coming Home

For those of you who saw the original pic posted, sorry. Though it was funny, I decided that it wasn't giving the message I wanted.

This was written a while ago and published in a Jewish magazine under a pseudonym.

I felt this was an appropriate time of year to post it.

COMING HOME

All I saw were the eyes.
Staring eyes.
Scrutinizing eyes.
Looking at me.
Up and down.
Up and down.
Coming home after sem is not easy.
Those eyes could drive you crazy.
Tearing you apart.
Examining each piece.
Piece by piece.
Piece by piece.
A fresh piece of merchandise.
New on the shelf.
So I dress the part.
I look the part.
I act the part.
But just know,
I’m me.